Chick-fil-a Ruined My Relationship


 

Alright, Chick-fil-a… If your ultimate goal in creating the creamy goodness that is Chick-fil-a sauce was to ruin relationships, welp, you dunnit.

That’s right, it’s YOUR fault my boyfriend won’t speak to me. He told me we needed some time apart because he was absolutely in shock at my behavior.

Let me rewind so you know how we got to this point:

‘Twas early on a Saturday morning and I was craving Chicken Minis.

My ever-so-handsome and understanding boyfriend was happy to oblige, as he too loves Chicken Minis.

You had a line around the store, as usual. Can’t complain, we’re all here for the same thing… Or so I thought.

You see, I’ve developed a love for your Chick-fil-a sauce. I first tried it with nuggets, then waffle fries and soon, I dipped a Chicken Mini into the sweet and spicy flavorful sauce. I’ve developed an addiction, I now realize. I won’t go anywhere else for nuggets, or chicken of any kind, really. Because honestly, what is Chicken without Chick-fil-a sauce?

I wasn’t even bothered when you changed your barbeque sauce, to be honest, I didn’t even know you had barbeque sauce.

Back to my story: My sweetie pulled through the drive through and made our orders, two orders of chicken minis, the little hashbrowns and a couple of black coffees – YUM.

It had never occurred to me that my uncultured boyfriend wouldn’t think to ask the girl at the window for Chick-fil-a sauce. Because – really – who goes to Chick-fil-a and doesn’t get their sauce?

We pulled out of the window and I reach in the bag for a hashbrown and – wait, what? Hold on – there’s no Chick-fil-a sauce in here! Turn around, they forgot our sauce!

“No,” he said, “I’m going to be late for work.”

“Please,” I begged, “I can’t eat breakfast without it.”

“You should’ve spoken up,” he reasoned, “They asked us twice.”

“I DID NOT HEAR THAT!” I screamed, the anger setting in.

“OK, you’re gonna have to calm down,” he kept driving away.

“I’m sick, I’m going to be sick,” tears filled my eyes.

“It’s just sauce, we have barbeque at the house,” he replied, not even realizing what he just said.

“I reached for the steering wheel and yanked it towards Chick-fil-a, the truck fishtailed and rolled over a concrete barrier. I grabbed the bag of smushed Minis and ran, red-faced towards Chick-fil-a.

I sprinted to the counter

“Miss, are you alright?”

“I need 2 packages of Chick-fil-a sauce, please and thank you.” Tears stained my face.

“My pleasure…” replied a confused cashier, as he handed me my sauce.

I ran back to the truck, lying on its side. Surrounded by police officers, he pointed at me.

“There she is, sir,” his voice shook, “She’s crazy, she’s really crazy.”

I ate my Chicken Minis in the back of a police car and I don’t have a boyfriend anymore, but most importantly, I got my sauce.

In other news…


In spite of all the election coverage, here are some things to think about for the next couple of days. You know, instead of arguing with your friends/family on Facebook.

    • The Dallas Cowboys are 7 and 1 right now. NFL: Cincinnati Bengals at Dallas Cowboys
    • A woman represented a major party in a presidential election (even though she didn’t win, it’s still HUGE)1244530192_hillary_dancing
    • Marijuana was legalized in several states (either recreational or medicinal) yesterday
    • And if you get the munchies, Domino’s has a 2 for $5.99 each coupon that is basically a steal.tumblr_mqlhrbomps1sp9fcho1_500
    • The Chicago Cubs won the World Series for the first time in like a century.
    • Jojo (from like 2008) dropped another album and it’s actually pretty catchy. If you don’t know who Jojo is then just leave… get out… right now… it’s the end of you and me.giphy-1
    • MAC cosmetics FINALLY released a line of makeup
      dedicated to Selena Quintanilla. If you don’t know who that is… Google her and learn all there is to know, please.gif-gifs-music-selena-favim-com-1617751
    • Beyonce performed at the CMAs and people were PISSED.giphy
    • Kylie Jenner is basically a business woman – given the success of her cosmetic line – just let that sink in.
    • Chick-fil-a brought back the old barbecue sauce… Woo hoo!
    • Bucc-ee’s has cakeballs, in case you didn’t know that.
    • If you’re still mad, watch this video of Miley Cyrus accepting Donald Trump as her president. It’s kinda funny. Sad, but funny.

      giphy1

      Miley to Hillary rn…

Also we still have Thanksgiving to look forward to, so try to be optimistic.

5 Ways to Celebrate #NationalBoyfriendDay


Let me start off by saying that I spend an exessive amount of time on social media… Today Twitter told me that it was #NationalBoyfriendDay … *insert eye roll emoji* Leave it to Twitter to come up with a holiday that

  1. Makes you feel obligated to post a Man Crush Monday photo OR
  2. Reminds you of the fact that you’re mind numbingly single and no one has even noticed that you haven’t shaved your armpits in a week

Anyway, I came up with a couple sure fire ways to celebrate this holiday whether you’re in a relationship or not.

  1. Dinner/Drinks. Treat your beau to a nice fancy dinner. Chili’s has a coupon. Like, always. If you’re single, meet up with the gals for happy hour and some appetizers that are fried/stuffed with cheese and embrace the fact that you don’t have a boyfriend.
  2. A romantic night in. Bake your man some cookies. Step 1, buy some cookies at the store. Step 2, lay them out on a plate and throw the packaging away. If you’re single, buy the cookies (no need to throw the package away) – and also buy milk. And some wine. Invite the girls over for a chick flick marathon.
  3. A nice gift. Treat him to a sentimental gift. Target has scented candles if his room always smells. If you’re single, take your girls to the mall with you and treat yourself to a new pair of shoes.
  4. Photo tribute. Make a nice pic collage for Instagram and talk about how great the last 6 months have been. If you’re single, get the gals to bring any pics of their exes to your house. Light scented candles and BURN BABY BURN.
  5. Create a care package. Put some beef jerky and a 6 pack of beer in a basket. If you’re single – Single girl care package: Face mask, Hershey’s Chocolate, wine, the movie How to Be Single.

So that’s all I got. What are some of y’all’s fave ways to celebrate this holiday that didn’t even exist last year?

6 Things Girls My Age Should Stop Doing


Being a female in your twenties is tough. Half my Facebook friends are posting pics of their weddings and videos of their babies learning to crawl. The other half are Snapchatting videos of strangers pouring liquor into their mouths. It’s like, WHERE DO I FIT IN?

I’m basically halfway adulting. I’ve created a list of things to STOP doing, you know, to help myself become a responsible adult. Here goes…

STOP:

  • Living paycheck to paycheck.200 Nothing beats peace of mind. Build up a savings /emergency fund. Learn to keep a couple hundred (or thousand, but we’ll start small) dollars in your bank account. Nothing is worse than standing at the gas pump worrying about whether or not your card is going to work.
  • Hating all men2001
    Stop living by Sex and the City quotes
    (literally, me) and own up to the fact that you don’t always have the best judgment. Tell yourself you dated jerks intentionally, to teach yourself  a lesson. Finally, acknowledge the fact that there are good guys out there. And wait. Patiently.
  • Drinking until you vomit. giphy1Stop poisoning your body. The hangovers are terrible and you (more often than not) lose an entire day recovering. Save heavy drinking for special occasions. Like New Year’s Eve. Or Vegas. Or New Year’s Eve in Vegas.
  • Putting materials before your well-being. You shouldn’t have an $80 manicure but not be able to afford gas. Or groceries. Say it with me: POLISH CHANGE.
  • Bashing your former or current beau. giphyI’m totally guilty of this. Regardless of what you’re trying to achieve – stop. Especially if you don’t seriously plan on ending it. Don’t give your parents, sisters and all your girlfriends a reason to hate your SO. They can find them on their own. LOL
  • Speaking of bashing… Stop airing your dirty laundry on Facebook. Or Twitter. Or Instagram. Most people don’t care about your problems. The ones who ARE reading your overly dramatic posts are probably sending screenshot to their friends. Trust me on this.

Ok, ok I think I’ve limited myself enough for the next few years. Idk.

Leave Me Alone (please)


I’ve been meaning to write this for a while now. A few months ago, I left work for lunch and went to Jason’s Deli. I like Jason’s Deli. They have a salad bar and you can pay for it at a little kiosk by the front door. In other words, you can avoid the line – and even better, you can avoid the people. Or so you would think.

I quickly paid for my overpriced salad and squeezed past the man in a business suit, who watched me (in awe) as if he’d never seen a kiosk or a self-checkout at Walmart before.

“That pretty neat, isn’t it? How you can pay on there,” he gestures toward the machine.

“Yeah it’s pretty convenient,” I respond, now squeezing past an older lady standing at the register simultaneously holding a child (who must be 6 years old) and digging through her purse that could probably fit said child inside.

“Oh, honey your hair is gorgeous.”
“Thank you,” I politely respond, with a smile.

“I can never get mine to grow that long,” she continues, “Mine is so fine. Like baby hair. And thin. Oh – it must take you ages to blow dry.”
“Yeah, it’s a blessing and a curse, I guess.” I casually laugh and continue down to the end of the line and grab the tray that is waiting for me with an empty plate and a water cup.

I prepare my salad and wait behind a tall blonde girl with an iPhone glued to the side of her face. She laughs at a joke someone tells her and leans on her hip, still holding onto the ladle for the balsamic vinaigrette that I’m waiting for.

I wait patiently, as I have an unlimited amount of time for lunch. That’s a joke – I totally have a time limit for lunch and this lady is sort of pissing me off. She unglues the phone from her face and reglues it to the other side, “Anyway I’ve already got my food – are you almost here?” I settle on Italian dressing and pick up my tray and search for the smallest table I can find – being a party of one.

I eat my lunch almost in peace. The business man and his friend sit at a table next to me and he leans over, “Wow, you’re already done and I just sat down. I’ll have to try that machine up there someday!”

“Yup, it’s pretty useful!” I smile and walk out. In the parking lot I run into a fellow colleague. We exchange hellos and I get into my car.

When I get back from lunch I have an email from the colleague I ran into. In a nutshell, he felt bad for me because I was eating by myself. 😦 The email was supposed to serve as an open invitation to come and eat with him and his lunch buddy whenever I felt like it. “I know sitting by yourself isn’t fun so just let me know!”

No. No. No.

Sitting by myself isn’t fun. It’s peaceful. What isn’t peaceful is being constantly interrupted when I’m trying to enjoy something I hardly ever get to do – a meal by myself. Where I can stalk people on social media or read a book or listen to music without being interrupted. I don’t mind being alone. I actually enjoy it.

Last weekend I went to BJ’s and had a salad and a mojito on the patio – that’s right, you guessed it – BY MYSELF. And guess what, I was completely comfortable and confident in doing so.

Maybe this makes me kind of anti-social or rude. But doing stuff solo is cool. More people should try it.

I also really wanted to add this in somewhere… DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TRY TO START A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE WHO: 1. IS READING A BOOK or 2. HAS HEADPHONES IN.

Not even to ask “Whatcha listening to?” or “What book is that?”

Nothing irks me more.

Ok I’m done. Idk what the point of this blog was.

Why There Wasn’t a Second Date


We’ve all been there. You go out with someone and it seems great. You met up (or he picks you up or you guys fly together on his broomstick, whatever.) You have dinner or drinks and possibly share a romantic dessert that you know you shouldn’t be eating. It seems like you’re making decent conversation. You look forward to hearing from him or her again… andddd nothing.

NOTHING.

He or she either ghosted on you or sent you the “Look, you’re a great guy…” text. It sucks, I know. I’ve been on both ends of this, and I know how confusing it can be. So I came up with a list – yes, a list – of reasons he or she might’ve decided against another date.

  1. It just wasn’t there. You spent more time talking about the waiter than anything else.There wasn’t chemistry. Maybe they thought you were boring. Who knows? You can’t force these things. If the attraction and chemistry isn’t there, sorry bout cha.
  2. You wore sweats. A friend of mine met up with a guy from Tinder and he wore sweatpants – yes, SWEATPANTS – to their date. It doesn’t matter if they were freaking GUCCI, they were sweatpants. And FYI, the date wasn’t at the gym or a yoga studio. I wouldn’t wear Nike shorts, don’t freaking wear sweatpants.
  3. You showed red flags of some sort. trumpfacesI actually went on a date once and the guy’s phone was on Bluetooth, connected to his car. And it started ringing and it was some chick’s name on the navigation system. I blew it off. Until we got back in the car to leave and then it rang again and a different girl’s name showed up. Like, come on, at least disconnect your phone.
  4. You revealed you had kids. Unfortunately, this is a deal breaker for some women. If you’re 30, dating a 20 year old, don’t be surprised if she grimaces when you mention kids. Also, ladies, if you’re 20 dating a 30 year old, don’t be surprised if he has kids – or an ex-wife.
  5. You were cuter in photos. In today’s day and age, chances are your date has already found you on Instagram and scrolled back 80+ weeks. If you meet up and look nothing like your pictures, there’s gonna be a problem.
  6. You smoked (in the car). A friend of mine said no to a second date because he smoked in the car. For some people, it’s just a turnoff.
  7. You called and texted constantly after the date. Give each other some time to decide how it went. If you immediately sent a text inquiring about the next date, it might make you come off as clingy or desperate. Don’t be those things.
  8. Whoever initiated the date didn’t pay. giphy1If a guy asks me out, I’m sorry, I expect him to pay. Call me old fashioned. If I ask a guy to hangout, I might pay or split the bill. Idk tbh bc I’m kinda cheap.
  9. You didn’t tip well. This is a major deal breaker if one of you is or was in the service industry at any point in time. It makes you look cheap. Know tipping etiquette!
  10. You couldn’t put your phone down. It’s rude and annoying. Get off your phone for at least the first few dates. Actually, stay off your phone on all dates, if you can.
  11. She scoped out your Instagram… and didn’t like what she saw. 200If you’re constantly partying and posing with women with huge breasts, she might be a little intimidated. Or just think you’re a sleaze. Keep it clean, especially when it comes to drinking and posting with members of the opposite sex.
  12. Language was dirtier than the establishment. So you went to a dive bar… And she cussed like a sailor. Some people find that unattractive. My dad thinks ladies shouldn’t drop F bombs every other sentence. But have any of you met my mom?
  13. You wanted to take a picture together – on the first date. Umm, no. This is just a no. It’s kinda weird, particularly if it’s your first time meeting.
  14. You talked too much. giphy You felt like conversation was flowing freely, but really it was just you. And that’s just it. You wouldn’t shut up and let him or her talk. Aim for the conversations to be about 50/50.
  15. You texted her, “you up?” at 2am. Lol I’ve also had this happen to me after a date. Just, no. That’s one way to get blocked, my friends.2001
  16. You were rude to the wait staff. This kinda goes along with the tipping etiquette. Plus you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat the server, bartender, etc.
  17. You showed up late. Whether you guys decided on a time two weeks ago or two hours ago, don’t be late. If you think you can’t be ready by 7, tell him 7:30. Don’t keep people waiting.
  18. You talked like a walking thesaurus. FullSizeRenderSeriously, give it a rest. Don’t try too hard to impress someone with your extensive vocabulary. You sound ridiculous.
  19. You brought up your ex. This seems like a no brainer, but it’s honestly not. Unless your date specifically asks, “What about your last relationship?” DON’T BRING IT UP. I had a date ask me about my ex once, and it annoyed me. Like please don’t bring up that lying cheating bastard while I’m eating cheese fries. Just please don’t.

Anyway, I think that’s a decent list. If you think of any, leave them in the comments. I love hearing bad date horror stories. Haha.

What I’ve Learned Being Single


I’ll be the first to admit that I’m always in a relationship. Ever since my first boyfriend EVER cheated on me (cheating actually happens in middle school, it’s really disheartening, I know LOL) I’ve been bouncing from relationship to relationship. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe I like having a go-to person to spend all of my time with. Maybe I hate the idea of being alone. giphyBut I kid you not, the longest I’ve ever been “single” is like 2 weeks, and even then, there was always someone I was giving my attention to. Until now. Continue reading

A Letter To My Ex


I could be really cliché and fill this blog with Beyoncé and Rihanna lyrics. I could totally bash my exes and announce exactly what caused each breakup. But instead, I’m going to say thank you.

Thank you for everything. The dinners, the drinks, the sleepovers, the movie nights and the talks about where this relationship was going. I really enjoyed it all. Aside from the occasional fights and trust issues, I did enjoy a majority of our relationship. So thank you.

Thank you for letting me go. Thank you for admitting that you still had some growing up to do and that I deserved more in a relationship. You taught me, firsthand, that it’s OK not to be ready for a relationship. It meant a lot to me that you could admit that. It hurt, but I’m glad you could be honest for once.

Thank you for calling me insecure and paranoid. Thank you for telling me that I needed to workout and wear more makeup. Thank you for criticizing what I ate. Thank you for judging me for wanting to indulge in the occasional Frappuccino. I’ve made some new friends recently, friends who yell “YASS QUEEN SLAY” as I’m contouring the shit out of my face in the restroom, “YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!” So thank you for never complimenting me, otherwise I wouldn’t appreciate the friends I have.

Thank you for lying to me. About where you were and who you were with. Thank you for hiding your relationship with her. Thank you for calling me jealous and insecure even though you gave me every reason to be that way. Thank you for showing me that lying and withholding the truth are essentially the same thing. I sleep better at night now that I know I’m not being lied to and/or cheated on.

Thank you for keeping me grounded. For telling me that I shouldn’t have male friends or go out without you. Thank you for controlling what should’ve been the most fun year of my life while you went and did exactly what I wasn’t supposed to be doing.

Thank you for showing me what a relationship should NOT be like. One day I’ll meet the right person. He’ll be honest, loyal and understanding. He’ll compliment me and worry about me without being too controlling. I’ll be appreciative and so grateful to have someone who treats me like a human. I thank you for that.

Chapter 12


Click here for Chapter 11.

James’ house was cozy. Cozy as in small. Cozy as in old. But I appreciated the change of scenery. We crawled into his bed and I immediately felt grateful for the freshly changed sheets at the hotel. I could tell by looking around that there hadn’t been a woman in this house in weeks – maybe months. But I was so tired I was able to sleep through the musky smell of a working man. Ignore the whirring sound of the ceiling fan.  I started to dream.

At this point, I knew it. I had no doubts. I parked a few houses down Stacy’s street and waited in her backyard until I saw Matt sneak out the backdoor.

Suddenly, I’m inside. Careful not to touch anything. I hear music coming from Stacy’s bedroom. She’s half humming, half singing. I hear the shower running. Or a blow dryer. Perhaps it’s a vacuum cleaner. My ears are buzzing. All I know is the next sound I can actually make out is a high pitched scream.

Blood.

Dark red blood. Everywhere. I can’t see straight. Suddenly, I’m aware of the knife in my hand and I drop it onto the white kitchen tiles. More blood spatters. It’s on my hands, my feet, and my face. I find my way to the bathroom. Now I can barely breathe. I can’t speak.

The thoughts are forming in my head, ‘What have you done? What have you done?’

‘She did it to herself,’ I thought, at first, ‘She had it coming.’

I rinsed off my face and arms, careful not to leave a drop of blood anywhere. Do I wipe my fingerprints off of the countertops? I’m her best friend, technically my prints should be here. I left them there. They’ll find Matt’s. He shouldn’t be here.

‘He’s the boyfriend,’ I thought to myself, ‘he has motive. Or Joe, the husband with motive. Nobody will suspect the friend.’

I woke up in a sweat, tears streaming down my face. James reached across the bed and pulled me closer. I can’t tell the difference between my dreams and reality. I don’t know if I killed her or not. I just don’t know.

I didn’t sleep at all the rest of the night. I tossed and turned. Got up for a glass of water, and then got up to go pee. I’m afraid to dream.

The alarm went off at 8am but I’d been out of bed since 6. I’d already had time to run to the grocery store and make breakfast for James. He walked sleepily into the kitchen and kissed my forehead. I handed him a plate and turned to pour a glass of orange juice.

“Someone couldn’t sleep last night,” he raised his eyebrow as he bit into a piece of toast.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the hallway mirror and gasped. My eyes were rimmed with dark, almost purple circles. I looked down at the table.

“I keep having nightmares,” I shrugged.

James reached across the table and grabbed my free hand.

“Hey…” he whispered, “After today this will all be over.”

I forced a smile because I wanted to believe him. But I knew it wouldn’t be over any time soon – not until we find out who killed Stacy. And now I’m not entirely sure I should even be looking.

I got into the shower and cleaned up as best as I could. The bags under my eyes peeked out behind layers and layers of concealer. My mascara slightly drew attention away from my bloodshot eyes. I threw on a pair of skinny jeans and a t-shirt and waited for James to get out of the shower.

“I’ll need something to wear to the funeral…” I murmured.

“Oh – right,” James towel dried his hair and pulled a pair of jeans on, “I kind of had a job to get to today… Do you want to take my car? Or I can reschedule.”

“You’re not coming to the funeral?”

“I didn’t know her… I thought it might be – I dunno, weird?”

I shrugged my shoulders and sighed, “Whatever.”

James crawled across the bed and kissed my face, “I just want this to be normal for you,” he sighed, “If Matt is there, it’s probably best if I don’t show up. Plus you’re still married. People talk.”

I could feel my face turning red. He tossed me his keys and went back to getting ready. The funeral was in just a few hours and I still had to buy a dress and take James to a job across town. At least I’ll be busy.

I dropped James off in front of a big white house on what was probably 2 or 3 acres of land. He kissed me bye, grabbed his toolbox and walked towards the house. An old woman greeted him. I turned around and headed toward the closest shopping strip – Westlake Town Center. It had several boutiques in a row, a GAP and a Banana Republic. The other stores were furniture and sporting goods stores. I set out on a mission to find a black dress within the hour.

I tried on several, each looking similar to the one before. I didn’t have a hard time choosing – it’ll be the dress I wore to my best friend’s funeral, I’ll probably never wear it again. I grabbed a pair of modest black heels, as I hadn’t seen any of my clothes or belongings in what seemed like weeks. I took my dress and shoes up to the counter and paid.

I got back in the car and headed to a McDonald’s for lunch. My stomach was growling and I knew I wouldn’t have time to eat before the funeral. I ordered a Happy Meal and ate in the car, facing the play area. As I watched all of the small children climb in and out of tunnels and sliding down the slides, my heart hurt. I now knew that I’d probably never have children of my own. Can’t plan kids when I don’t even know what tomorrow will look like.

‘Not going to cry, not going to cry,’ I muttered to myself.

I looked up and noticed a familiar car parked across the street. Matt’s car, parked at a 7/11, facing me. His windows were slightly tinted, but I was able to make out a figure in his car. Had he been following me?

The figure looked up and I immediately recognized Camille. We made eye contact and she smiled at me.

 

Check back for Chapter 13! Subscribe here to receive an email when it’s posted!