Homeownership: not all it’s cracked up to be

As previously mentioned, we’ve upgraded from renters to homeowners. It seemed like a good idea and, you know, everybody’s doing it.

Here’s the thing. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. There are a lot of things they don’t tell you when you’re signing those papers and handing over your first born. (Kidding, guys. My dog is fine.)

Number one: your garage isn’t your garage.
One of the “non-negotiables” during our house hunt (more on that later) was a garage. We’d been living at an apartment complex with a garage so we’d grown accustomed to covered parking and all that Jazz. However, what your realtor, title company, mom and dad, the man upstairs, etc. will fail to tell you is that you will have so much CRAP stored in there – the bikes you bought because you moved to the suburbs, mulch and weed killer because, oh yeah, you have a yard now – the boxes you failed to unpack because, well, who cares?

Number two: the non-negotiables
Finding a house that met all of our wants was impossible because, well, we aren’t millionaires yet. But our needs were pretty much met. We needed two bathrooms – don’t judge me –  YOU try living in literally 700 square feet with one bathroom and a man who eats 12 times a day, and let me know how it goes. We also needed a decent sized backyard – again – YOU try living in a 5th floor apartment with a tiny dog with a bladder the size of a lima bean and also a fiancé who brings home stray dogs for fun. The garage mentioned above was also on my list – eyeroll. And I really wanted an open-concept home so that I could yell at David from the kitchen to pick up his socks in the living room. This is what dreams are made of y’all. Most of these “needs” came back to bite me but whatever.

Number three: the yard
The funny thing about grass is that when it rains, it grows. We didn’t have a lawn mower because our hardwood floors at the apartment – oddly enough – didn’t grow any grass. Luckily for us, my grandpa owns a landscaping company – Hercules Lawncare (shameless plug, let me know if you want his info) and he was able to add us to his weekly route.

Number four: the utilities
Wouldn’t you know that it is significantly less expensive to heat and cool a brand new (tiny but well-insulated) apartment than it is to heat and cool a still-kind-of-small, much-older, two story house? If y’all could see David’s panic when we got our first electricity bill for our “open concept, natural lighting,” house, you would’ve died. The man went out and bought black out curtains and firewood and basically anything else that can protect us from the sun and/or wind. We live in a dungeon now, it’s fabulous.

My point is this, we love being homeowners – or, uh – living in a house. It’s the “being homeowners” part that caught us by surprise. Regardless, it’s bragging rights. We did it! We have a mortgage and we are slaves to the bank now – JK guys it’s not that bad. Plus our apartment rent was higher than our mortgage, so there’s that. More space for less money.

P.S. For anyone who doesn’t know, my fiancé (who gets to be the butt of a lot of my jokes and stories on here) David is a cooler, even funnier version of Chip Gaines and he did basically gut and re-do our entire home (I don’t recommend anyone living in a house while it’s being remodeled but that’s beside the point). Click here to see before & after pics of our house and Click here to see more of his work, or contact him!

Stop Asking Me When I’m Gonna Have Kids

Seriously, stop. It’s annoying. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don’t want them? Maybe I’m not trying to get knocked up?

Hello, I’m 21 years old, what the hell do I need a kid for? Continue reading

5 Things You Should Leave in 2015

In 2015 I turned 21. I quit sneaking into bars and arguing with bouncers about my address. In 2015 I graduated college. I quit calling myself a student and writing essays for money. In 2015 I got a real job. I quit sleeping ’till 2pm everyday. Continue reading

Why I Really Want to Move Out

I’m 21. I’ve moved out of my parents’ house twice now. Once when I left for college, and again a few months later. I had this idea in my head of what being independent meant. I wanted Continue reading

NO ONE PAID ME TO WRITE THIS BLOG, but they should have

Holy stinkin’ crap you guys. I’m writing this purely out of the kindness of my heart. I’ve got to give you a little background info before I tell you why I’m freaking out though. Continue reading

How to be a Grownup (for twenty somethings)

I’m 21 and I still live at my parents house, so technicallyFullSizeRender I’m just a really old teenager. Nonetheless, twenty-somethings are all different. This is a really weird time when everyone you grew up with is doing different things. Some twenty-somethings are in college, others are graduated. Some just enlisted in the military, and lots are getting married. A few twenty-somethings have kids, and some are studying abroad. This is a time where you kinda have to get your shit together. Not entirely though. (That’s what thirties are for)

Here’s how I’m sort of halfway attempting to become an adult.

  • Keeping up with bills. This is a lot harder than it sounds. I’m not sure how many bills the average person has but I feel like mine are endless. They’re spread all throughout the month. It’s as if God did this so I never feel too comfortable with my finances. 🙂 I’m finally paying off the credit cards I “accidentally” maxed out in college. But every time I get close, I get a speeding ticket or a flat tire. Or I just really needed a vodka soda after work… Whatever, I’m getting there.
  • Healthcare and a 401k. I’m not entirely sure how a 401k even works. But my job has one. I went ahead and filled out the paperwork for the maximum amount I can contribute because I like to believe that I’ll be rich when I retire. Regardless of whether or not that will be the case. I’ve got health insurance now too. Which is a total joke. What the hell is a deductible, anyway?
  • Trying to pay rent. Parents as landlords are kind of a joke, honestly.  Unless yours are like really hardcore, it’s super easy to get out of paying rent. I’m usually pretty broke and my mom feels bad for me and doesn’t mention it. Occasionally she’s like, “So maybe you should start paying rent next month.” Whereas I’m like “Dang, I would but I just bought new tires :(” #Adulting
    Disclaimer: Parents, don't let your twenty-something move back in. They'll never pay rent and you'll feel guilty asking for it.

Anyway if you have any idea how a 401k works and you pay rent to a landlord or even your parents, you’re already a step ahead of me. So, I’m not engaged or responsible enough to take care of a baby? I’m just proud I can balance a checkbook.

LOL JK what’s a checkbook?