millennial

I’m not an adult yet


It’s almost been a full 2 weeks since I moved out of my parents’ house and into this cute little apartment with my boyfriend. And let me tell you, it’s expensive.

We’ve gone grocery shopping like 4 times because we always forget something important like laundry detergent or trash bags. Then when we get to the store we see something like ketchup or dryer sheets and we’re both like “gotta get that too.” We’re trying to save money so I haven’t been real loyal to the name brands. If buying Gain instead of Tide saves me $5, I’m gonna do it.

Anyway fast forward to last night. I was relaxing on our brand new couch – that’s a light blue color… almost pastel – watching Friends. I’d just made a trip to my mom’s house for dinner and a few forgotten items, and then Winco for MORE groceries. So I wanted to relax and unwind.

I opened a bottle of this cheap Trader Joe’s wine – which actually doesn’t even taste that great, so what happens next doesn’t even seem worth it – and poured myself a glass of the thirst quenching red liquid (yes, I said red) and sat on my beautiful light blue couch. I cozied up with a blanket and a pillow, and only about 3 sips in, I rearranged myself for some reason, and just like that, my life flashed before my eyes. My knee knocked that glass right out of my hand; I saw a stream of red in slow motion. I did all that I could to catch the glass but to no avail.

“COME HELP ME!” I screamed. David comes out of the bedroom to a frantic me, pulling back the sofa cushions, Googling “HOW TO REMOVE RED WINE FROM COUCH.”

We don’t have baking soda or vinegar, so the next suggestion says to dab the couch with wet paper towels with a touch of laundry detergent.

My mom had given me some Tide Pods when I moved because I mentioned that David doesn’t do laundry often.

“Let David use these when you’re not there, they’re really easy, just toss one in the washer. Idiot proof.”

But I went ahead and bought some liquid, so as to reserve the pods for David.

David goes to grab the liquid soap and stares at it.

“Is this detergent?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve been washing our clothes with this?”

“Yes..?”

“It says fabric softener.”

So, yeah. I’ve been washing our clothes and towels and sheets with fabric softener. So basically everything is dirty. Soft, probably. But dirty.

That’s when I realized I’m not an adult yet. The couch looks great, we miraculously removed the wine, no thanks to me. But it’s safe to say I’m gonna start using those idiot proof Tide Pods very soon.

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