This week on Conversations with Baby, we touched on the topic of breastfeeding.
Before you all start judging me about what a terrible person I am for telling my 5-year-old sister about breast-feeding, you should know that she was unknowingly molesting my dog.
Rewind to a couple days ago, when Baby came up to me holding my poor little mutt around the middle. Luna was struggling to get out of the sticky 5-year-old’s hands, but Baby wasn’t having it.
“What are THESE?” She exclaimed, “LUNA HAS BUMPS ON HER STOMACH!”
She continued, “Daddy, what are these?” as she rubbed the bumps on Luna’s stomach.
My dad’s eyes got wide and he burst into hysterical laughter. Meanwhile Luna is still struggling, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the 5-year-old caressing her nipples.
“Baby, don’t touch those.”
“Those are Luna’s nipples.”
Since we’ve already had the nipple conversation, it only took a second for her to understand that she was touching Luna’s “private parts.” But still, her face registered a look of confusion.
“Hang on…” she puts her tiny fingers on her chin, “Why does Luna have six nipples and I only have two?”
I’m not sure how to proceed, but in the past I’ve learned that honesty is the best policy because if I make something up, it’ll come back to haunt me.
Like, “I thought you said Netflix doesn’t have cartoons?”
So I explained to her that dogs can have a lot of puppies at once, so they need more nipples than us.
This created even more confusion.
“How come they need nipples to have puppies?”
And so, I told her. I told her the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
That babies are born out of our nipples.