Why I Really Want to Move Out


I’m 21. I’ve moved out of my parents’ house twice now. Once when I left for college, and again a few months later. I had this idea in my head of what being independent meant. I wanted to be able to come and go as I please. I wanted to be able to have company whenever I wanted, and never have to clean.

So I moved into a college dorm shortly after graduating high school and turning 18. It was a bust. Total bust, I tell you. I quickly learned that those “roommate match” surveys will NOT find you a “match.” They’ll find your arch enemy and put you together in a room with only bunk beds and a sink. Needless to say, I moved back home within a few months.

This was ok until I turned 19 and got ahold of a fake ID. At this point, I was like, “Man, I can do anything. I can get into bars and buy beer. I’m invincible.” Until I faced my dad, who decided that 19 is too young to be going out. (He was right.) He wanted me home every night at a certain time. AND I had to start doing chores. But at the time, this was unacceptable for me. So I, again, decided to move out.

Another huge letdown. (When your roommate’s drug-dealing boyfriend locks you out of your own home so you call the cops, things get sorta awkward.) Lesson learned: Don’t move in with people who don’t have their shit together. 

Anyway, now that I’m trying to save for a house, my parents have this idea that I just want to move out so I can get drunk and stay out all night without being judged. When, in fact, they couldn’t be more wrong.

Reasons my parents think I want to move out:

  • So I can stay out partying all night with strangers. I’m 21, so you think I’m gonna go nuts and get kidnapped in a bar.
  • To throw huge rave parties with lots of drugs in the comfort of my own home. I was such a rebel in high school, why wouldn’t it continue at my house?
  • So I can get drunk any day of the week without being judged. A glass of wine with dinner never hurt anyone!
  • Because I hate all of my family and any sort of social interaction with them. I’d do anything, even buy a house, to get away from them.
  • To avoid responsibilities and chores like washing dishes and contributing to groceries. Because I’ll totally live off of Starbucks and Chick Fil A when I have my own place…

Actual reasons I want to move out:

  • IMG_1485So I can stop using my desk drawer at work as a pantry. It seems like every time I buy snacks and leave them at home, they’re devoured before I even get the chance to try them. This is very stressful, I’m a growing girl.
  • So I can sleep in without the vacuum cleaner and country music interrupting every Saturday morning. I get it, you like things clean. But can’t you wear headphones..? Or sleep past 9am, like normal people? Or is that not normal..?
  • So I can watch Netflix uninterrupted by a 3-year-old who needs help going to the bathroom. I don’t mind it any other time. But when my pants are off and I’m in bed, I’m clocked out for the day.
  • So my sisters will stop stealing my clothes, laptop, shoes, etc. By the way, at my new place, any siblings who wear the same size as me aren’t allowed. You too, mom.
  • So I can officially call myself a responsible young adult… Well, idk about this one, actually. I just felt like I should say it.
  • MakeupSo I can quit doing my makeup in the car. I refuse to leave it in the bathroom where it magically disappears and then reappears in my sisters’ makeup bags. This is also very stressful, as I’m a terrible driver to begin with.

But, yeah. You can say I’ve come a long way. My ID is real now, and I can buy alcohol whenever I want. Really, the only time I use it is when I’m passing the wine aisle at Kroger and I plan on watching The Walking Dead later.

I’ve never been much of a party thrower and  I don’t like going out to clubs and bars anymore because it requires me to put pants on. So, mom and dad, when I have my house, I’ll invite you over for dinner. We’ll have something easy like Hamburger Helper, and we’ll watch Friends on Netflix. And you’ll understand why I wanted my own place.

 

 

 

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