She’s Not Into You

There is no way for me to write this post without seeming like a total B word. I’m not full of myself, I swear. In fact, I’m constantly over-analyzing my face and my ass, thinking of ways to make myself less ugly. But to some people, I’m mildly attractive, or whatever. I guess too attractive. Or maybe some people just have no self-control or morals. Anyway, I need to vent about this creepy guy I had the misfortune of meeting the other day.

I’m sitting at Discount Tire, because I get flat tires like some people get haircuts. Anyway, in walks this man who is, easily, twice my age. He orders a tire, or whatever and then turns around, sees me, and OOPS, I made eye contact. Oh crap. I’m so stupid, why did I do that, UGH. Oh man, he’s coming this way, crap, crap, crap.

He picks a seat right next to me and the first thing he says is, “You got some real pretty toes…”

DEAD SERIOUS, Y’ALL. Those were his words. Real. Pretty. Toes. That was all it took for me to completely change my attitude. I would’ve been nice. I would’ve smiled and made small talk, but no, you want to make some creepy comment about my feet. I’m done.

I avoided eye contact and said a quick “Thanks…” as I rolled my eyes and continued to flip through my Cosmo magazine. You’d think he would take the hint. Nope. He goes on, “Man, I thought you were a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, you look good.”

Hmph. Not only am I annoyed, I’m in disbelief. I’m also pissed because I know I don’t look like a Cowboys cheerleader and I’m just sad now.

I give a little smile and continue reading Cosmo.

“What’s your name?” he asks as he eyes me up and down. I think I see him bite his lip, or something else equally inappropriate.

STOP. WHY? I’ve given you no reason to believe that I am interested in developing a relationship with you. Stop right there.FF1CD3AD-C538-4A37-9AC9-069DBE212CF7

“Sabrina.” (Sabrina is my fake name when creepy guys ask. It started when I was 19 and got a fake ID, which was the name I used. It’s also my BFF’s name.)

This goes on for several awkward minutes. Creepy guy wants to know where I’m from and what I do for a living. I vaguely answer his questions because I’m too nice to tell him that I don’t want to continue the conversation. “I work in an office. I’m from Texas.” “Yeah, you look like an office worker. All sexy, I like it.”

STOPPPPP. Who raised you?! Why do you think that’s an ‘ok’ comment to make. I’m throwing up.

Anyway, the Discount Tire guy calls me up to tell me about my car and I’m SO RELIEVED to get away from the strange man who wouldn’t quit looking at me like I was a piece of meat.

Unfortunately, I find myself in this situation every now and then. If I’m in public by myself, and I happen to make eye contact or nicely smile at a stranger, he takes that as “PLEASE APPROACH ME. I AM LONELY.”

So I’m here to clarify. These are the signs to look for and how you should interpret them.

  1. Avoids eye contact. This can mean a number of things, none of which are “Approach me.” It could mean she has a boyfriend or she doesn’t find you attractive. Perhaps she is reading a really good book and doesn’t want to be bothered.
  2. Short replies. If she responds in two words or less, she more than likely doesn’t wish to continue the conversation. In fact, you might be creeping her out. This doesn’t mean that she’s just a shy person. If she was interested, you would know.
  3. No response at all. You’d think this was a no-brainer. Ha! NOPE. Guys, if she ignores you, give it up. She’s probably pissed at this point.

None of these signs should be taken to mean anything else. Also, unless you’re in a strip club, do not call a woman sexy within the first two minutes of meeting her. You should introduce yourself, and suggest the two of you go on a date or something. At that point she will politely decline or accept your invitation.

I’m not even trying to be all like “Oh, I get hit on by creepy guys because I’m sooo hot.” No, I literally think I could look like a potato and some guys would still approach me if I accidentally made eye-contact or smiled. If you take eye contact to mean you can approach me and make inappropriate comments, you seriously need to re-evaluate your judgment.

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