- They pay for your stuff. Who even wants this? It’s 2015. Hello, feminism. I’d much rather buy my own vodka soda than let some arrogant loser insist on paying for it. Ugh. I hate gentlemanly gestures.
- They drive. Nope. Not having it. I drive myself around perfectly fine and I’ve only been in three wrecks and had six speeding tickets. I don’t need a man to drive me around. I’m independent.
- They take up ALL OF YOUR TIME. Seriously. In the time I spend watching Netflix and going to dinners with my boyfriend, I could be sleeping or mowing the lawn. You’re a lot more productive when you’re alone.
- Boyfriends are needy. They need everything. They need your time and love and approval. Who wants someone who seeks their approval? I’d much rather just casually date someone who blows me off and forgets to text back. *Some boyfriends will do this; you have to specially request it.
- They expect you to shave your legs. Ok really though. Why waste time on a significant other who wants you to be the best you? Being single lets me get fat and forget to get my eyebrows done.
- They fix your stuff. My boyfriend changed my brake light today and it seriously pissed me off. I didn’t even give him permission to do it. Now I won’t get pulled over by a cop and I really wanted to.
So basically boyfriends are beyond useless. In fact, I think we should just abolish marriage completely. Women can fend for themselves in this country. We can vote and procreate without the help of any man. #FEMINISM