If you’re reading this, you’re extremely loyal, seeing as I’ve basically fallen off the face of the Earth, in terms of blogging.
I’m back – for the moment – only because I have a kind of (in my opinion) important topic of discussion.
The last time I wrote about my relationship, we were barely moving in together. I was washing clothes with fabric softener and spilling wine on pastel couches. Fast forward about 15 months – I use laundry detergent now but I’m still spilling wine on couches (we got a dark one so he’ll never know unless someone sends him this – in which case I’m not going home tonight) We’ve upgraded from renters to homeowners, and…. we’re ENGAGED!!!! Cue the champagne and fireworks!!!
Anyone who knows us WELL (separately or as a couple) knows that I had been dropping hints for awhile. Before you all start throwing virtual tomatoes at me, let me explain myself (or try).
When we first moved in together, I immediately noticed something. Any time we met new people and they realized we lived together, they’d ask, “Are y’all married?” And the exchange would go kind of like this:
“Oh. Just living together?
“But that’s where it’s headed, right?”
“I’m not sure… but thanks for making this uncomfortable for both of us, stranger.”
It was like, an expectation. If we were living together, it was obviously headed there. The only question was, when? When I first posted about my mistake using fabric softener, someone commented, “You’ll figure it out. I did. You’ll have a ring in no time!” Like it was supposed to be some sort of quest or thing I earned. I knew we’d get there, but I wasn’t pressuring him – yet.
Then the worst thing imaginable happened. Every last one of my friends/sisters/cousins all got married/engaged/pregnant in the same season. It was fine at first, I was happy for the first proposal – even though she had been dating her guy for way less time than me. I was even a little happy for the second one – even though I was a teensy bit envious. Then my little sister got engaged. I turned into this green-eyed monster. Literally December through May, I was miserable. I actually cried tears when my BOTH of my little sisters got engaged and I think only about half of them were happy tears.
I just wanted it to be my turn.
And my time came. And apparently he had purchased a ring months in advance and all that time I had been making snarky comments about dying alone. There’s a picture at the top of this post – me and my sisters flashing our rings and I don’t know if I’m crying because I finally got to join their club or because I’m engaged.
Regardless – my point is this. Don’t rush it. And don’t try to “keep up with the joneses” or however that saying goes. He could be waiting for the perfect time – so as not to interfere with your sister’s wedding, or your other sister’s baby shower. Or he could not be in a position, financially, to do that. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll say “I don’t need a big fancy ring, I will take anything! I just want the commitment.” But let’s be honest, that’s not true. If the man wants to give you a big, gorgeous rock. Who are you to stop him? 😌
Something else to consider – he might not be there, emotionally, in which case, the LAST thing you want to do is turn into this raging, psycho, wanna-be fiancee.
I let everyone get to me. I let the questions from strangers and the announcement videos on Facebook really get to me. And I know it got to him. We witnessed so many proposals and marriages and one by one, the eyes started turning to us… We were supposed to be next, right?
Let the relationship move at it’s own pace. We took awhile to get engaged and we’re taking our time planning a wedding. And to my grandma who keeps asking when we’re having kids – 40 is the new 30.